Archive for the ‘Funny’ category

Today, I am the greatest of all time

January 13, 2009

Congrats to Jim Rice and Ricky Henderson for being elected to the baseball Hall of Fame yesterday.  While I never got to watch either player (except for Ricky when he was old and washed up), both provided me with some memories.

Jim Rice waited 15 years to get into the hall and only made it by 7 votes.  I’m glad he finally made it and now the Sox can get on with retiring number 14.  My favorite (and only) Rice memory was his commercial appearance that doubled as the acting debut of the reigning AL MVP, el caballito himself, Mr. Dustin Pedroia.  There’s no questioning the greatness of this ad, and I can easily say that Rice is 2nd best actor involved (not including the Sullivan Tire guy at the end).

I’m still not sure what that has to do with tires.

Next up, Ricky Henderson, who was nearly unanimous selection in his first year of eligibility and has always been a source of entertainment for me.  Whether it was his habit of referring to himself in the 3rd person, or declaring “I am the greatest of all time,” Ricky always kept things interesting.  But Ricky also helped me achieve greatness in my own life.  Not just by providing a sterling example of baddassness but by aiding me in countless victories in the most boring of all board games, Trivial Pursuit.

Now if you’ve ever played against me in Trivial Pursuit (unlikely), you’d know that my strategy is to stick to the super easy green spaces (sports questions) and avoid the pointlessly hard browns (books or something, who knows?).  This allows me to continue moving around the board at will until I feel like winning.  The secret to the green questions (other than being a sports genius), is that Ricky Henderson is the answer to every baseball question.  No joke, every question.  I wish I was kidding.  I’ve been saved at least twice by guessing Ricky on a question that  I was clueless about.  One of those times I even joked earlier in the game about Ricky always being the answer, and followed my answer by informing everyone of my greatness (a la Ricky).

So thank you Jim and Ricky for making my laugh and helping me win.  Enjoy the hall, you both deserve it.

PS The answer to at least one brown question is Judge Judy.  I actually won the game on that one.

more to come…

You have one job!

January 8, 2009

I was planning on making my first official post later today to announce the Red Sox signing Rocoo Baldelli and John Smoltz, but circumstances have changed.  One of my biggest fears was realized today and it forced me to use an incredibly embarrassing excuse for being late to work.

Where I live, I have to fight with a bunch of other people to use the washer/dryer.  I swear those things are running 24/7, and if you aren’t there to get your laundry the moment it finishes, someone will take it out, wet or not.  This left me stuck with damp clothes on a number of occasions.  Rather than continue to wear wet/dirty clothes, I started doing my laundry at night.  I wait until everyone goes to bed to start the washer, then leave them in the dryer overnight.  Worst case scenario is that someone takes my stuff out of the dryer in the morning after its been dry for hours.

Or so I thought.

This morning I went through my normal morning routine, but when I went to get my laundry I discovered that the dryer, for whatever reason, did not do its job.  My clothes were still soaked, and now I have nothing to wear to work.  With no other valid excuse, I emailed my boss to tell him that my dryer is making me late for work.

Even worse, the dryer continues to claim that the clothes inside are dry, and it refuses to run a full drying cycle because of this.  I understand that the dryer is supposed to be an expert on the subject, but I have to call bullshit.  Now I know how much I hate to be questioned on subjects which I consider myself an “expert” at, such as Boston sports, minor league arena football teams, or “why that guy who killed me in Halo was cheating” but in this case I have no choice.  You have one job dryer! Get it right dammit!

I can only hope the dryer doesn’t hold a grudge, because, like it or not, I still need its services if I plan to leave the house before summer.

More to come…